Company pregnancy

No, I am not talking about pregnant employees or managers, and no, Miserable Middle Manager is not expecting. Not a child anyway. (Maybe a new job – black holes and revelations!).

So what is company pregnancy?

 Company pregnancy :

Company pregnancy occurs when an organization is expecting a new employee or headcount to start working at a date defined and agreed by both parties*.

*Sources : Awesomemediafockers Ltd

You can Google it, the definition comes on page 126 of the search results, but no need to do that, just trust miserable middle manager. Companies don’t really like to talk about the effects of their pregnancy and birth, it is usually very painful.

So.

An employee’s life in a company starts way before the employee’s induction; it starts in the organization’s womb. Giving birth is really amazing.

Everybody knows the pre-life stages -or pregnancy stages:

-familly planning : getting the headcount

- shortlisting candidates
-interview
- negotiation
- offer
- negotiation of the package and start date
- offer letter sent
- contract sent
-start date and induction

Depending on the organization, these stages are either painful or not. It is hard on the Miserable Middle Manager because her company becomes hormonal. Planning company pregnancy implies that resources are not enough and that an extra or replacement headcount is needed. From planning to induction, it is a permanent struggle in the Miserable Middle Manager’s team : who will do the job of the future employee while the company is pregnant with it? During this period of hope and uncertainty, Miserable Middle Manager has to make many tough decisions and divide the workload fairly*.

*Define fair: Miserable Middle Manager will take on the workload as its line manager thinks that her employees are very busy and that, Miserable Middle Manager, as a middle manager, has plenty of time.

My company has been pregnant for 10 month this year. Sadly, it gave birth to a beautiful employee in June, but it gave custody of it to another company after two month, as a result of Philippe Focker’s bullish twattitude.

Sometimes companies reject their own children, just like lions.

Then it got pregnant again, and after 3 months of wait and hopes it miscarried. This employee heard industry gossips and realized she didn’t want to live in this family.

So Miserable Middle Manager is back to family planning.

Again.

  

For info and advices on company pregnancy  visit : http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/index.htm

At interview stage, ask as many questions as you can on the organisation of the team, company structure, who report to who. And try to ask people you may know in the organization what they think about the team you join to avoid disappointment.

Always sign the offer letter or contract of employment before you start in a company.