Not again!

Why would you want to work for Awesomemediafockers Ltd?

What I said :

I have always wanted to work for you, Awesomemediafockers Ltd is my dream company and the Head of Product role is my dream job. Last night I had this vision where I was leading the Product team of Awesomemediafockers, we were uniting to create very innovative products using the best resources and technologies. My spanning skills enable me to envision a clear strategy and I will be your best lever.

What I thought :

you are a fast ugly dude, you don't even seem nice, can't you at least think about interesting questions that would make me want to see you everyday? how many packs of Walker crips can you shove to your face every day? if I could kill you I would suffocate you with one.

What I would have said if I had know they wouldn't hire me :

Why would I want to work for you Awfullfocker?

Broken promises

I know, I will now lose all my credibility, but I have to confess I have done it again...

Me: Hi, can I speak with Chris, please?

His mate: How is calling?

Me: The Miserable Middle Manager

His mate: What is is about?

Me: I am calling to catch up with him on an application for a project manager role

His mate:  one second, I will check if he is available

... a nanosecond later...

[Definition of a nanosecond, for those of you who hated maths: A nanosecond (ns) is one billionth of a second (10−9 s). One nanosecond is to one second as one second is to 31.7 years.  The word nanosecond is formed by the prefix nano and the unit second. Its symbol is ns.  A nanosecond is equal to 1000 picoseconds or 1⁄1000 microsecond. Because the next SI unit is 1000 times larger, times of 10−8 and 10−7 seconds are typically expressed as tens or hundreds of nanoseconds.  Times of this magnitude are commonly encountered in telecommunications, pulsed lasers and some areas of electronics]

His mate: Sorry, he is busy, can I get your details?

Me: Is he going to call me?

His mate: Probably not, he is a very busy person and it is Friday today, happy hour at the local pub starts at 1pm.

Me:  *%&$%^!!!

Looking for my 'moi profond'…

Whilst searching for the meaning of life on wikkipedia, I came across two definitions that made me thought about myself :

Middle management is a layer of management in an organization whose primary job responsibility is to monitor activities of subordinates while reporting to upper management.

Middle management subordinates are characterized primarily by a lack of empathy and remorse, shallow emotions, egocentricity, and deceptiveness. Middle management subordinates are highly prone to antisocial behavior and abusive treatment of others, and are very disproportionately responsible for violent crime. Though lacking empathy and emotional depth, they often manage to pass themselves off as normal people by feigning emotions and lying about their pasts.

Which definition is the real moi?



I am not joking

Yes. Amazing. I know. How sad (or sick) is that?

I had just turned on the kettle this morning to make myself a cup of tea (yep, I also wonder what happened with those little "cortados" I used to have when I was a decent person who drunk the most refined espresso coffee), when skimming through my inbox I got an email from a recruitment agency through LinkedIn with a job add and this picture next to it. Speachless - yip yip yip
Call me old fashioned, xenophobe or racist, I will assume my guilt, this guy does not deserve having a job. And, what is worse... how must his manager be to allow one of his team members having that picture online? Leave your job bloody headhunter! You don't deserve to be employed!

Although trying to get the positive side of it, if he has a job I will probably get one soon, too!!!!

Retarded or simply human wastage?

Me: Hi Matt, my name is Miserable Middle Manager, I sent you an email with my CV yesterday for the Head of Project Management role and wanted to catch up with you.
Matt: What is your name again?
Me: Miserable Middle Manager
Matt: When did you send it?
Me: Yesterday (second time)
Matt: I cannot find it, where did you send it?
Me: I sent it to you by email yesterday (Third time, my aorta vein is getting inflamed)
Matt: ... silence.. (he is struggling to find the search box in the screen)
Me: At 13h26
Me: Can you find it? (Or are you dead as you seem not to breath anymore?!)
Matt: Oh, yeah, it seems you sent it to my email address
Me: Are you retarded or what?! Where should I have sent it?
Matt: That is fine, I have it. Sorry, my client wants someone with 10 years experience in project management, you don't qualify.
Me: But I have 12 years experience managing projects and programs
Matt: You were a development manager in your previous job
Me: yes, correct, I was responsible for the delivery of international projects
Matt: I will let you know if I get anything matching your skills.
Telephone line: bip, bip bip,..
Me: Bastard!

Enough is Enough

Today is the day. Which day? The day when I have had to make a tough decision: to strangle the headhunter or to start this blog. I have chosen the first option with no doubt. I have  managed to find an old cable form an analogical old phone that was taking too much space in my cables box and polished it as a serial killer polishes his murder weapon. After that I have looked for my victim in LinkedIn: where does this bloody headhunter work? Where can I find him? I was ready for my tube journey through central London. But guess what.. the f*&@ moron works in Slough! I know what you are thinking: how could she send her CV to Slough. I apology to all people I know for having made such a move, for having attempted to leave Zone1, even if it was in a digital way.

So yes, I have then had to take my second option, to start writing this blog to share all my misfortunes with you. Misfortunes happen to the employed and unemployed middle manager, so watch this space, this is just the beginning ...