Office toilet humour

Shit happens.

Yeah, real shit, like shitting at the workplace, in the office toilet.

I must stress that the story contained in this post really happened and I appologize if the story feels a bit below the belt.

So yesterday morning, I go to work like every day, things go OK until 11am, no aggression nothing,  Xmas mood, Santa is playing guitar on the radio, clients are as unhappy by the service as ever, things get almost boring.

Then something incredible happens.

I receive an email from the office manager; email addressed only to female colleagues and entitled: Ladies toilets.

Hi ladies,

It has been brought to my attention that the toilets are again in a very poor state. Please be so kind to leave the toilet as you expect to use them.

Many thanks,

Veronica

 

So I think, OK, these toilets stink, but maybe the office manager should tell the cleaning lady to start cleaning, instead of just replacing the toilet paper.

Then another email arrives in my inbox.

Ladies,

Thanks Veronica.  Ladies, can you please refrain yourself from emptying your bowel at work. The office is a place to work, not to shit. As the toilets are shared amongst all of us, it would be good if everyone could do their business at home and not in the office.

Thanks for your understanding; it is not the first time the issue has been brought up,  myself and the other girl from Essex agree that putting make up on while someone is shitting nearby is not ideal and has an impact on our moral, hence decreasing our chances of pulling men in bars.

Kind regards.

Janet

Another comes!

Janet,

I shit at work, because when you gotta go, you gotta go. It is not your place to manage my bowel activity. You are so plain and transparent that you already look like a fart anyway. Don’t bother us with your make up. You were born ugly, not my ass fault.

Gigi

Sudden shout in the office, Janet calls Gigi a shithead, Gigi shouts back some C word, this happens in less than a second and everything goes back to normal.

Then at lunch time, I discover that there are several clans/shit political parties in the office :

Extreme left party/clan : Shit at work, only shit at work because don’t want they home toilets to stink
Left : when you gotta go you gotta go
Center: don’t give a shit
Right: would rather not shit in the office, but accept that other may need to
Extreme right: never ever shit in the office, and don’t accept than anyone does.

So what party am I? I guess I am left, some king of social shitter.

Have you ever asked yourself the question? It had never occurred to me that I would ever do.