Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Eurotrash


Fragile eyes look away.

So yesterday I had a second interview with a company considered super trendy in the industry: a small boutique pestilence agency, nice job title to get : Dickhead of Pest Planning. I took the whole day of work to prepare, finished work as early as possible, then run to the place.

The hiring manager could not see me after 6:30 so I had to run like Forest to reach their glossy office of central London in time.
Unfortunately, when I had reached the headquarters, the receptionistas had already left, so I had to stuck my sweaty body to their glass door, and waved for the late workers to let me in.

I was probably dishevelled, because the young guy who saw me and opened the door bared a very wary face. He asked me who I was and why I was here. I said I was Miserable Middle Manager, here for an interview with Cynthia Bladder.

He asked me if I knew what she looked like.
I found it weird, but although I had already seen her Angela Bower face on Linkedin, I said : no I don’t know, I have never seen her, I come for an interview.

I don’t know what I said that, I guess I got worried that the child had found out I was in fact a stalker.

Eventually someone else came, someone very blond told me to sit down and brought me a glass of water.

So I sat down.

And waited

And waited

Yesterday the sun was shining and since I had run, I was sweaty.

I became angry at Bladder and I did something weird : I swiped my armpits with my right hand.

and waited again.

20 minutes later she was here, all fresh and bubbly – an American woman. She apologized, she was on the phone. Okay.
I usually like American people, they are very friendly and not too hypo.

So we sat down and started to chat. She had old fashioned questions, I was ready, confident, excited, technical, whatever. I felt the interview was going well.

Until she told me that she liked my technical profile (which I am running away from) and that she was starting to realise that I would be better for another role. That she would be thinking about other roles more suited to my profile.

...

She asked me if I had other questions. I had one more, some bullshit question about the size and personality of the team – but who cared about the idiots since I just learnt I wouldn’t manage them.

She put an end to the interview, thanked me very much, told me she would be in touch with the agent and held her hand...
...which I happily shaked with my right hand...
...for the second time.





Thursday, 22 March 2012

Pass time

When you have nothing to do in an office and you can’t really spend your day watching soft porn, cute puppies videos on Youtube, or even redoing your CV, you start doing things that you would never do in real life.

Indeed, open desk office space has always been bad news for miserable middle managers. Get found by a staff on youtube suffer 50% of team sickness as a result!

So when you are bored, not only your brain looks for pathetic highlights - such as the fact that it is Thursday : one day before Friday and 2 days before the weekend...or pathetic low lights – such as being told off for being late for a very non important meeting... but it also looks for stuff to check out on the internet (that don’t bear flashy images). 

First you look for stuff that are relevant to your job/industry. Do some self training, learn about the industry, check the industry news, waste some time on Linkedin. You can do that at least one hour per day, if you have enough energy. Or if you are like me, you develop obsessive habits linked to paranoia such as checking  who’s been on your Linkedin profile 20 times per hour. Yeah just in case a top recruiter at your dream company had checked you out.
Linkedin is amazing, you can waste so much time on it....and not feel bad about it. Join stupid forums, check people’s CV, try to understand why less experienced and younger fuckers are senior managers and not you.

There are other stuff to do : check out blogs! Blogs of pathetic people like me, celebrity blogs....but these have a lot of flashy pictures. You can also make friends on forums. Forums of expats, forums of people that share the same miserable passion as you, such as riding children scooters, or blow drying. I have a passion for blow dries, didn’t you know that? Learn so many techniques that don’t work, I have the dullest hair ever.

But the best stuff are the stuff that you can share! Don’t share them on Monday morning...actually don’t share them until Friday because it may cost you some credibility. But on Friday, nobody works. I mean in most companies anyway. Friday is the day of Krispy Kreams, email jokes and funny forwards.

Here is an example, it is a test.
No it is not the purity test where everyone score 10/200 because it is cool to be dirty and pretend to have had threeways with men. It is a random test that you can actually do at work without being caught and called a lazy ass.

Here is my score :
You scored 11 out of a possible 20
You have a tendency towards being introvert. The higher your score, the more introvert you probably are. The nearer to 10 your score is, the nearer to being an ambivert you are (yes, there really is such a word). But even if you answered every single question as an introvert or extrovert, that doesn’t mean that your behaviour is predictable across all circumstances. We can’t say that every introvert is a bookworm or every extrovert wears lampshades at parties any more than we can say that every woman is a natural consensus-builder and every man loves contact sports. As Jung felicitously put it, “There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.

So what? I have a tendency to be an introvert but nearer to be an ambivert? Who is the psycho who wrote this shit?

Anyway, the highlight of my day is that I had lunch with myself today, and myself and I had an amazing salad. Unfortunately it was so stressful for me to chose the ingredients that I don’t think I will have one ever again.

No picture today, I am blogging from work!!

Monday, 19 March 2012

Highlight of the day



Thought that photoshop bitch represents both topics of this post : boring with highlights.
Anyway, blonds always attract more readers.

SO.

Since I am working hard and I am too tired to blog after work, I thought I would start talking about the highlights of my days.

Oops, I meant : since I don't have much to do at work but I am too lazy and tired to blog after work, I thought I would start talking quickly about the highlights of my days.

Because I am bored.

Miserable is bored bored bored.

Again!

Don't take me wrong, the contract job is cool and the people are nice. Even my team is nice, I am even lucky that they know more than me. So my job is about sitting, pretending, and earning the cash.

And waiting.

I am not sure what I am waiting for, the end of the contract maybe? One may think that I must have stuff to do, even occasionnaly. Yes occasionnally I do. I receive about 10 emails per day, so I send ten emails back.
And I do what I am paid for : I take care of the job of the woman I replace.

It is all about pretending that you have something to do in the end. We are deep in the fucking crisis and people hang on to their jobs like mussells on the shore. And like mussells they have nothing to do.

So I what do I do? Well I take time to think about my career, and I occasionally look for a job.

Let's face it, looking for a job is more fun than actually working. When you look for a job, you are always hopeful. You expect an outcome, you dream about a better situation for yourself. Grass is always green on the other side of the fence.
Last week went to two more interviews. One liked me and may see me again, another rejected me : I went for a job in digital pestilence and got rejected because I only ever worked in digital pestilence. Worst, the recruitment agent got offended when I told him that the hiring manager was a time waster.

fucker.

but I digress.

That was not a highlight of a day (maybe the lowlight of the week).

The highlight of an office worker's day - especially in middle management - is something small that happened during the day in the office, that brought joy.

Or at least that didn't bring stress, frustration, or irritation.

Don't you ever wonder what made your day at work? What is it that makes you think it is all worth it and justify you sitting around being either too busy - or like me, doing nothing/waiting?

Leave the money aside for one minute, what did you enjoy today??

A highlight can be : not falling asleep during a webex conference, eating an M&S brownie, or having your colleague bringing donuts Krispy Kreme and NOT feeling like vomitting on him thereafter.


Damn I can't think of any highlight today...