Ok, the picture has nothing to do with this post, but Jean, I had to tell you publicly : you are the best, je t'aime et vive la France!
But let’s talk about contracting shall we? It is much more fun than cinema - much more miserable too!
So if I was very miserable suffering politics in a big company full of moronistic wannabees, I am less miserable as a middle manager contractor – but there are still many things to be miserable about.
Indeed, being a contractor is interesting.
What is the difference between contracting and temping? On a daily base, there is none, the job is the same. But as a contractor you are often paid on a daily rate, so basically you make more dosh. Why? Because you are supposed to be a supplier to the ‘master’ company who hires you. So when you are a contractor, you have to have your own company, so you become your own CEO/COO. Alas you have to have an accountant, but since you make more dosh it doesn’t really matter.
Why do companies hire contractors? Here are the most common reasons:
- When an stupid middle manager hasn’t managed to secure an extra headcount for his team
- When someone ‘un replaceable’ gets pregger and fucks off for a year – this person is clever, she has managed to convince her boss that she is too busy not to be replaced.
- When a company is really huge and has extra dosh to spend ahead of a recessionary economy – in times of crisis the company will not fire but will not renew contracts
-When a company needs people who are already trained and ready to work hard from day one
What sort of job can be done by contractors?
Any really. But what is key is that the contractor must have balls and be ready and trained.
So middle management is a job that can be done by contractors. And senior managers love it because they don’t feel threatened by contractors. They even like to remind them that there is a difference between you and them – they are part of the family and you are not.
The company : a family – *feeling like puking now*
I guess it is a family for some people. Last night I watched a program on people who had worked for TFL (the London tube network) for 40 years...Their whole work life! I have never worked for a company for more than two year so 40 years for me is about 20 lives. But by the end of the program you could really feel a sense of family, all those people living a happy life together, serving (badly) passengers, ripping them off in harmony.
Ha. Maybe I should send my CV to TFL. Maybe I already have actually.
Ho well.
So when you are part of the family you get all the benefits. First benefit is.........the office pass!
As a contractor, the thing is often red. Permanent employees usually have a white pass – which leads to racial discrimination between permanent employees and ‘temporary employees’. So contractor, temp, whatever, it is branded on your waist, you are different!
Second benefit is the gym. Haaa the gym. So important for everyone, especially when it is free for the whiteys and not for the redoes.
Usually, as a contractor you can’t access the gym for free. You need to borrow the pass of someone. Basically you need to suffer the shame of begging a family member to loan it to you.
For the anecdote, at P&G, every day we receive a newsletter from HR, talking about some shit that happened in the company during the day. Mainly to cheer us up, since the company is actually restructuring.
Well today the newsletter mentioned that the staff was blessed by a huge amount of food leftover from meeting rooms (some probably couldn’t swallow the exit interview croissants). The writer said: ‘Thanks reception for telling everyone, however the sense of urgency in your email made us think that you were already stuffing your mouth eating it all, instead of controlling that temp staff don’t fraud on gym cards and making sure that calls get answered. We hope this is not the case.’
Wow.
This is what I thought : ‘what’s the matter with you HR twat? Are you jealous? At least I don’t have my ass on the firing line.... do you know that with my day salary I can buy myself at least 2 yearly subscriptions to your posh gyms EVERY DAY...
Well, he is HR so he must know.
Ok what else is not on our benefit list – pension and health care. Pension is a problem indeed, but private funds may have all gone burst in 30 years so I am not keen on investing anyway. Health care – well I don’t think private health care cures stress related diseases better than the NHS. At least with the NHS you get miserable staff, easier to relate to.
The company Christmas party is also source of frustration, when you can only be invited by a permanent employee and the permanent employee can only invite a couple of people ‘like you’....
Others issues are around motivation, the fact that you are not up for promotions (ever), or long term career development or invited to company meetings, or up for trainings...
But it is OK, payback is that you only do your hours, no need to find extra projects when there is nothing to do, no need to lick people’s ass, no need to sleep with anyone to get anywhere, not that I have tried that, probably why I am still a low life Miserable Middle Manager.
